It’s been twelve weeks and I’m totally off my crutches and my physiotherapist has discharged me, but, he didn’t half put me through my paces during the last appointment.

Not only did he have me up and down on a step after getting me to abduct the leg which was attached to my metal hip, but he also had me on an examination table doing press-ups with my arms crossed over my chest whilst pushing my pelvis into the air.

The first bottom press-up didn’t go very well at all as I almost rolled off the table. To the consternation of the young male physiotherapist, he tried holding my upper arms down but I nearly rolled off the other side. By this time he looked quite worried as I’m sure he thought I would be taking litigious action if I did end up on the floor, so he stood at the head of the table and held my shoulders down from behind my head. It worked. Several bottom press-ups later there was no more rolling off the examination table which was only as wide as a birth on a cross Channel ferry.

But what made me very curious was when he asked if I was allergic to latex. I thought. Oh hell, what’s he going to do now. Panic over, he came back into the room with a length of red coloured latex flexi-band which he tied around my ankles and asked me to do the leg abduction exercises – 15 reps.

It wasn’t until I got home after dashing down the aisles of the local supermarket did I feel as though I’d been really pummelled to within an inch of my life.

On the plus side I can now do the breast stroke when I go to the pool.